Yesterday was one of those days when everything suddenly seemed so clear. Life just made sense and all the pieces fitted together. It was an epiphany of sorts. I had an overwhelming sense of peace and acceptance. It felt as if everything was going to be ok. My thoughts were harsh, but they were true. My internal battle was drawing to a close. I hope that this feeling is not  momentary, which will dissipate in the next few days.

My Art class was relaxing and enjoyable as always. I was the only attendee. MS shared with me incidents of his life, his past and his future. He talked to me about Art, History, Religion and his travels. It was enlightening. He is such a fascinating man, with a riveting past. The kind of past that inspires you.

He narrated stories of Damascus, complementing the tale of his journey with Islamic History. I could listen to him for hours. I definitely have to add that destination to my list of places to visit (whenever that happens!). But nothing is impossible. I will dream big and hopefully one day I will make my dreams a reality.

On another note, Ar-Rihla is offering a four week course on the basic Tafseer of the Quraan. It will be held at Wits from the 18 September to the 9 October. Lessons will be three hours, from 2:00pm to 5:00pm, for four Saturdays. I signed up for it yesterday. The coverage will not be extensive, but it’s a start. I’m really looking forward to it. 

(02-09-2010)

Advertisements

 

Happy Spring Day! Yes, the flowers are blooming. My plum tree has begun it’s new cycle. It’s one of the most beautiful transformations from the tiny, white flowers to the complete fruit. I see green blades of grass shyly making their way to the fore. Promises for a lush Summer I hope.

Okay, so I’m a day late. I’ve decided to jump on to the digital diet bandwagon. I’ve already started this at the beginning of Ramadhan, although on a smaller scale. I was reading up on people’s goals for Ramadhan before it began and stumbled upon this concept. I see that it’s being implemented by fellow cyber individuals and decided to attempt a complete 10 (in my case 9) day abstention. That doesn’t stop me from writing though. Writing is like my oxygen. I feel displaced if I don’t write, so I’ve started this 9 day journal. If an important need arises, then of course I will have to step into cyberworld. Other than that, I’m going offline.

So one might ask, whats the need for it? I’ve also questioned it, considering how much inspiration and knowledge I gain from Facebook. The thing is that every now and then you get side tracked and your time gets consumed in things, which are of no use to you. So during these last few days, I would much rather spend my time gaining useful knowledge and making the most of the limited time, which we have left. Who knows if we will be fortunate enough to experience this blessed month again?

I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my sister’s baby. It feels like its taking forever. I thought that the little one would have been born by now, but he/she is taking it really easy, enjoying womb life. (Actually I already know the gender of the baby, but I prefer not to let it out. I’ve heard of incidents where doctors confirm the gender, but the baby comes out being the opposite, so lets just wait and see). I’m sooo excited! Inshallah everything will go well. Best part is that my sister will be here for a month. Which means the baby will be here! Can’t wait for the new addition to the family. The best Eid gift ever, since I’m sure the baby will be here by then.

Going to get some sleep now. Its Wednesday, which means that it’s another Art class. Rejuvenation for the soul. One of the best days of the week. 

(01-09-2010)

The problem with proposals

We got a call from my mother’s cousin, asking if one of her son’s friends can come home to see me. The answer was yet again no. I have turned down about seven such opportunities in this year. I’ve heard it before and I will probably hear it again, that I CANNOT turn anyone away. I’ve heard people say that by doing this I might turn away the person that was meant for me. I could possibly let my ‘taqdeer’ pass me. But if someone is meant for me, then I will end up with them, right?

The concept still confuses me, but I’m trying to understand it better. There’s a myriad of problems with “the proposal”. I’m not averse to it, but I just don’t think that it’s suited for everyone. I don’t see myself as the kind of person that can make a decision to marry someone in merely one meeting. How much can you possibly discuss or get to know a person in about half an hour? You can never really tell. I have a cousin who found her husband this way, and by the grace of Allah, they are very happy together. They got engaged two weeks after meeting, and in the next two weeks they were married.However, there are others who were not that lucky.

I’ve only had two guys come home in my life. The one doesn’t really count, since we family, and it wasn’t really like meeting the parents. As for the second one, it was quite serious. Obviously, with marriage in mind. Things didn’t work out, but it probably happened for a good reason. Allah is most wise and He knows best. What matters is that he is happy and that one day I will find my happiness too.

Almost eighty percent of the people that have wanted to come see me were people from small towns, or places too far away from home. How am I supposed to get to know a person who lives far? Yes, I know that there are many channels do so; Facebook, e-mail, Mxit, Gtalk, the good old landline and cellphones…the list goes on. But from life’s experience I personally feel that there is a need for more than that. There’s a need for interaction with each other, families and friends. There’s a need to see the person in the real world.

Besides all that, if I’m not absolutely serious about wanting to get married and the other party is, then I feel that it’s unfair to allow guys to come home. Especially with all these ‘long-distance’ guys, it’s very selfish on my part to let them travel so far when for me its possibly just a by-the-way thing.

Unless I really love a guy, I’m not willing to leave my family and life behind to start a new life with him in some foreign place, with people who are total strangers to me. And so, the quick-meeting decision is really not my thing. Most of the people expect an answer in the next week or so, but I’m sorry I can’t do that.

I feel that there is too much pressure with the actual meeting. Having to dress your best, and wear your “Colgate” smile for everyone to see. Everyone inspects you as if you are some specimen on a lab table, dissecting your every move. You expected to try and have a decent conversation with the guy, but family members are constantly around you. Meeting a guy is nerve-wrecking enough for me. Doing it with our families around is sure to be disastrous.

And then comes the feeding. Lay out the tables with the best and tastiest of treats. The girl is probably expected to make something, so that the boys family can sample her cooking, baking etc. And then comes the ‘chaai’…my worst nightmare if I’m expected to serve it. I have this overflow problem. The tea always seems to jump out, trickling over the lip of the cup. Not my fault, I promise. No matter how hard I try it just has a way of getting out. I’ll probably end up getting tea all over my potential suitor or even worst, my possible future-mother-in-law. (Although if that had to materialize, I would probably never hear from them again!)

Another problem is that whenever I sing at a function, I’m bound to get someone asking me the same old questions, “How old are you? Are you married? Where you from? What are you doing with your life?” It doesn’t really end. Just because I sing doesn’t mean that I will be a good wife (although I hope that I will be!). If some aunty likes me, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I will be well suited for her son, nephew, neighbour, sister’s husband’s cousin or whoever it is. No matter how nice two people it, it doesn’t guarantee that they will be good for each other.

I know that people mean well, when they have a good guy in mind for me, but at the moment I’m tired of the Cupids. I just want to be left alone for a while…