Behold, a beauty that lies above…

Tonight was amazing. We took a short drive along the highway, to get our ice-cream fix (not the first for the week). My newly married cousin and husband came along too. Here begins the bonding…hopefully we will have many memorable moments together. The saying “love comes to those who wait” has certainly proven true for them. They met under unconventional circumstances, but it was just a way of Allah bringing them together. I am so happy to see that R has finally found the person she was looking for. He is such a loveable person and fits right in with our family. I make dua that they have a blessed, beautiful marriage and stay united for eternity.

We relocated our seating, from the normal spot we usually occupy. Out through the glass door and into the graceful night air. I chose a seat with a view. I looked afar, taking in the breathtaking view. We don’t have a beach, but the ocean of sparkling lights at night certainly makes for a wonderful sight. The river of cars along the highway in the distance on the left. On the right, the backdrop of the city, with the theme park’s Big Wheel dominating the picture. But best of all was what lied closer to my eye. Picturesque palm trees, illuminated by an almost full moon.

The sky was magical tonight. Looking up, I could almost feel myself float off into another realm. Allah’s beauty and His power are always highlighted when I look at the beauty around me. For me the sky is like a canvas, and on each day and night a new masterpiece is formed. It takes my breath away…Surrounding the moon were thin layers of clouds, with ripples like that made on sand after a gentle ocean breeze. An incandescent sky, and a moon so surreal and unreal. For the first time I witnessed what appeared to be a rainbow surrounding the moon. It was spectacular. An image that will be captured in my mind forever and a feeling that will be captured in my heart.

The sky is like an ocean of vast emptiness, yet filled with so much life, a new story everyday. From the kaleidoscope of colours at sunrise and sunset, to the diamond-studded black canvas at nights. Living in the city doesn’t do much good for the possibility of experiencing the magnificence of seeing the milky way. I have distinct memories of the times I witnessed such grandeur. The first time was in Mpumalanga, at the age of ten or eleven. We stayed at a lodge in the mountains and although it didn’t seem so at first, the black-out proved to be a blessing in disguise. A memory and vision I will never forget. The second time was in the year 2005, on a camping trip with my family to a little resort in the Free State province. The river gurgled below and above, lightyears away was another world alive with spectacular beauty. And the last time was on a trip I made to sun City last year April. I look forward to experiencing it again, and delight in the uncertainty of not knowing where, when and with who I will be the next time it happens. An opportunity for more great memories:)

Despite my previous posts which claim to be the last for the year, this one should grab the official title. Tomorrow night, begins the new year. I’ll be away and will probably be back once the new year has arrived. So, this is my final farewell to 2009. Until next year.

“I’m living my dreamy moments, my heart is tranquil and I’m in a happy place”

Here and now is where I want to be.

“Here and now is where I want to be 
Not hangin’ on some worn out memory
And I know the best thing for my low
Sometimes you just gotta, you gotta let it go”

It takes a great deal of courage and emotional strength to let it go. The extent to which this is achieved is never really known and sometimes questionable. Sometimes I am my greatest enemy, fighting with none other than my inner self. Heart vs head. After a lapse of time, it is logic that wins. But the dents that have been made seem irreparable. Anyway, its time I stop treating myself as a victim, and give myself a boost back into reality. I only wish I had the answers, but need to go on without them anyway…and without you. 

Today was great! Balmy weather, beautiful skies and the perfect company. A symphony of near-perfection. And lots of time for introspection. I went to see the latest addition to my family, the beauteous Saudah, A little girl, after 5 boys. What a miracle! New-born babies always strengthen the connection I feel with my Creator, for every birth to me is one of the greatest miracles of life. On Friday night I sat with my cousin, as her labour pains began and rubbed her tummy, thinking of what lies inside. The very next day, a bundle of joy was brought into this world. Mashallah:) Its the most amazing, indescribable feeling. Four years, 6 babies and one more on the way.

So while the rest of my similar aged cousins and friends are getting married and starting families, here lies T, the last singleton (no regrets). I’ve achieved many personal goals in the last five years, Alhamdulillah. I have no regrets about the road I chose to take. Its been a great five years, and more than gaining a tertiary education I have learnt many lessons on life, I have spent the best five years of quality time with my beloved mother, who is my role model, my best friend, my confidant, my cooking teacher, house-keeping tutor, my advisor, my everything! A lot of who I am is because of her. After leaving school and choosing to study through correspondence there were often times when I regretted not going to campus. But as I have grown, I realised that I haven’t really missed out on much. I have everything and everyone that I want right here with me.

I’ve formed a stronger relationship with my Creator and have made an attempt to better myself in matters of deen. I achieved things which I always aspired to do, but always found difficulty doing. It takes a strong heart, motivation and faith to achieve what you may believe is impossible. 

The past few years have not been a smooth ride, with many obstacles strewn across my path. With the help of Allah firstly, and perseverance, you can overcome a great deal of challenges. Your strengths become more apparent and life teaches you what’s important. 

I have found what I believe to be the greatest gift of life. I have discovered inner-peace, contentment of my heart. I have found love at so many levels, appreciation of the small things in life. Happiness is not found in material wealth of the world, it is something much deeper and more intense. I have faith and I have God.

Well, just 2 days before the arrival of a new year. I look forward to my “6M” adventure. Lets see where life takes me. The free-spirited T will be back in 2010, to share more stories of a new journey , a new life and year.

You mean the world to me. You are my life. I cannot bear to see you suffering emotionally. I see your tears, even though you try to hide it. The pain that you feel, I feel it too. There are times I am helpless, not knowing what to say or do to wash away your burdens and all the injury to your heart. I can see that you breaking down, you no longer as strong as you used to be. I wish to be your comfort, the one you can turn to with a guarantee that in some way I can make it right.

Your life has been difficult. Your anger is clearly evident to me. I have learnt from you  not give up every moment of my life for the sake of others, people who I think are dear to me. For all your sacrifices, I have seen the thanks that you got. For all the times you have put your life and everyone else before you, you have got nothing more than pain. I hope that they will be cured of their blindness and realise that without you in their lives, without your beautiful presence, it would be empty. Perhaps it is only when you are gone that they will realise your worth. 

I’ve seen your tears twice today, at two different times and for two entirely different reasons. I hope that until the day you die, I will never be the cause of heartache or grief to you. I live my life to try and bring happiness to you, to let you know that I love you unconditionally and appreciate having you in my life. 

Your heart may have been injured, but remember that something very great awaits you in the next life. My heartfelt duas will always be for you and I will always be here by your side.

You are one of the greatest and most beloved people to me. I love you forever and ever, while you are in this world and when you leave me too.

As the curtain closes on 2009…

A very good morning, as I welcome myself back to the blogging world, although just for a short while. I know that  I will whisk myself off to another world and it will be weeks, possibly months before I return again. Its a beautiful morning, awake since 3:10am. Enjoying the sound of heavy early morning rain, and the cool breeze that is accompanied by the dark (but enjoyable) weather today. Its nearly half of December, and this post is probably misplaced, and would have been better suited for the end of the month or early next January, but nothings lost. If the last few days of December are eventful enough, then I will be sure to update.

The year 2009 has been a rollercoaster ride. In some ways, it feels as if the year has ended too quickly, but when I think back to February in Cape Town, it seems like a loooong time. Perhaps it can be attributed to the many events that took place this year. Three deaths of very loved and dear ones, three weddings, four holidays, spending almost the first half of Ramadhan at hospital due to my father’s triple bypass, hosting both Eids at home, relationships, disappointments, writing assignments, published articles, singing at seven functions, exams (and a failure) and a rather interesting experience of being a judge at a school function. And of course one of the highlights of the year, getting my exam results. Alhamdulillah, everything I have achieved this year and throughout my life is thanks to my Creator. 

On the 2nd January, my grandfather passed away after spending 27 days in hospital. The year was off to a depressing start, losing someone so dear to us. Its been said that with time wounds are healed, but even though you become accustomed to life without that person the pain doesn’t go away. Months have passed, yet it seems my grandmother cannot deal with the pain of losing her beloved husband, after being married to him for 49 years. Just last week she said that her life is shattered and she doesn’t have anything to live for. My grandfather was a man in a million. How I wish that both my grandfathers were alive to experience one of the happiest moments in my life, to share my joy. When I woke up yesterday morning, my heart felt empty as I thought of them and wished I they were so I could share my good news with them. May Allah grant them Jannatul Firdous. The people we love who are no longer here will always be in our hearts.

The wedding fever of 2009. Had a wonderful time in Cape Town, when I attended the wedding of my mother’s cousin. About twenty of us attended the wedding and enjoyed a holiday at the same time. Absolutely beautiful memories! The next wedding took place in Rustenburg during July when I got to see my cousin/high school best friend get married. A freezing cold night if I recall correctly, but it was worth it. And finally the last wedding which took place 3 weeks ago, locally this time. The last of my cousins tied the knot, which now leaves me and my sister (who happens to be 5 years younger than I am).

Oh, the agony of being thrown with questions about when I’m settling down, that its time for me to move on with my life, have kids while I’m young and stop worrying about studying and a career. Seems people can never understand me. Allah has a plan for everyone and contrary to what people perceive of me, I’m not planning to be a spinster all my life. Its just that I set certain goals for myself and work towards achieving it, one of them being to complete my degree before deciding on marriage. I can go into a very lengthy discussion on this topic, but will save it for another post.

Looking back, I’ve realized that even with the losses and the pain, if you have faith you will pull through it. Allah is there for us, we have to turn to Him alone. And while it seems that problems are still apparent, it becomes easier to handle. Life is not perfect, I don’t think it was meant to be. Everywhere you look people are surrounded by difficulties on different levels. It’s the way you deal with the problems and the issues in your life that matters. You have to be optimistic about life, be positive and have hope. I know it’s a cliché, but through experience I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. People enter and leave our lives for a reason. We learn from our experiences, and it makes us stronger individuals. The most important thing is to have faith and put your trust in Allah. When He is there with you then you have nothing to fear. You need to find your comfort in His remembrance. Life doesn’t become perfect, but you have peace of mind, contentment of the heart and an inner peace.

I hope that everyone enjoys the last few days of 2009. I will be back next year, Inshallah☺