Recipient unknown

To the one I care about, but know I should not. You came into my life uninvited. There were times when I hated you being there. An obligation I had to fulfill, until the time passed and came to a halt. Sleepless nights and endless thoughts. Prayers and confusion. Why did you come, when you didn’t really care? Why the pretences and the wasted time…why did you bother? Surreptitiously you made your way into my life, then walked away when I felt something was there. You were cold and cowardly. I expected more from you, but you left me with nothing more than disappointment. A gap that I had to try and cover up. For all your words, which I now deem false, you cared nothing when I needed someone most. No words of comfort, no prayer though small. I kept waiting in the hope you would turn up. But all you gave me were signs of your time carelessly spent. Words of hurt, unconsciously said. The implications were all too clear. You wanted to get something across. For now satisfaction can be yours. I get it all too clearly. For the very reason I never let anyone in, for all the fear…You proved me right. You are just like all the others. I now fall deeper into the abyss of darkness. I gave you credit most of the way and defended you in times of need. You gave up too easily. Ironically I lasted longer than I thought I would. Although I feel what logically I should not, Im glad things didn’t progress any further. I now see you for what you really are. I always knew, but like many of the unexplainable things in life, I opened the way and allowed you entrance into my life. I feel a loss, sometimes regret. But then I wonder, why me? I shall not grant myself permission to feel regret for Im not the one who did any wrong, who hurt and caused further mistrust. Carry on enjoying your life, but remember who you are. Your actions will have consequences. Remember your status in the eyes of the One most Great. Your knowledge, you supposed to spread. You are supposed to be the one to spread light, inspire and bring people closer to Him, but what have you done? Forgive me if I am misjudging, perhaps if I knew you longer I would have known otherwise. Unlike you, although we no longer share a part of each others life. I still care. And in my heart I pray for you more often than you may know. I have faith in the One most High, and still wish and hope for you the best in life. Even though we no longer have contact, no matter what you do, there is a person out there that believes in you and one that knows through prayer, you will be the person she thought you could be…

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Khadija
    Jan 21, 2009 @ 19:43:24

    This is beautifully written Tas. I relate to so much, I suppose many would, it’s the stuff that makes us, opens our eyes, reschools our perceptions and teaches us discernment.

    Reply

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