The Maths Monster

It comes as no surprise, that a Maths dream can be categorized as a nightmare for me. Ever since high school is has been my least liked subject and the thought of it always culminates into a hair raising moment. Topped with that is my Matric Maths teacher, who was quite a stern (yet lovable) character. Only towards the end of my Matric year did we begin to bond with him and have a better understanding of him.

 Nevertheless, to be woken by dreams of an impending Maths test, which I did not prepare for can prove to be quite nerve wrecking. It’s the second or third time in the last few weeks that I’m having dreams of a similar nature. I don’t know where they are rooted or why they choose to haunt me, but it’s quite overwhelming. It makes my decision firmer not to voluntarily include any numerical related subject in my studies.

 Its unfortunate that I dislike Maths, since it forms such an important part of our lives. The main reason for it goes back almost thirteen years (Im surprised I can even count the years. Lol)! I had a Maths teacher in Grade 3, whom I absolutely despised! She was racist and nasty. For many years I associated Maths with her and kept on saying to myself “I hate Maths, I hate Maths…I hate Maths!” The after effects of it is so bad, that till today I see it in a negative light. There are certain people and events in our lives that affect us to such an extent, that even so many years later we cannot change our mindset about it. If Im lucky, I might think differently about it in the future, but for now I still suffer from Mathophobia….   

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Yet again, I have been at my laptop for the past two hours and will probably still be here for the next hour. I have been conducting research on Tanzania and added it to my newly acquired blog. There is a very useful website which I have come across several months ago (www.cia.gov.za). I bookmarked it back then, but completely forgot about it and didn’t return to it until yesterday. It provides detailed information about all aspects of a country, and this includes most of the countries worldwide.

I received my registration form for 2008 from Unisa. Even though its on my mind, I did not realise how limited my time is to register. In approximately the next twenty days, registration will be closed. I would have applied earlier, but Im in a confused state with regards to my subject choices. Apart from the four compulsary modules that I have to register for, the other four have to be chosen from a certain group. After looking into it, I have realised that all my possible choices require prerequisites, which if I choose to do will prolong the period of my studies.

After this post I will go and do a bit more research into it as well as tabulate my exam dates for both semesters and decide what modules I should take. I should make a call to the Unisa Career Counselling Department  tomorrow morning to clear the confusion that I have about my subject choices.

And now, its the late night decision making time!…Smarties or Tv bar???Lol…good night:)

My cyberworld

Outside of my mundane life exists my cyberworld. A place that consumes endless hours of my time, taking me into the early hours of the morning. Often my nights are characterised by a few hours of sleep, which are insufficient to keep me going effectively. There exists in me a stubborn streak to stay away and an attraction to this world, to keep on searching and continue writing.

Ever since my exams have been over (29 October), my time spent in cyberworld has increased drastically.  I find solace in my writing and have a desire and hunger to learn more, read more and attempt to communicate more with the outside world. For too long I have lived a restricted life, interacting mainly with my own kind. Even at twenty I am still in a closed, protected and safe environment and wish to take knowledge from the world. At present this is my best available resource.

Im rethinking alot about my life, goals, desires, relationships, religion and life in general. There is an ocean of knowledge out there as well as many questions which remain unanswered for me. I need to go in search of the truth and the answers.

A Wednesday afternoon

I am sitting in my backyard on a shaded patch of grass, next to the bottlebrush tree. Overhead are the birds, in peaceful flight. i can hear the coo of three pigeons, perched on the side of the roof and telephone wires. Everything is so still, except for the occasional breeze. The weather is  absolute perfection. Not a degree too hot nor too cold. There are chirps of other bird species, all who seem to be enjoying the day as much as I am. There is an incredible sense of placidity, which I have not felt in years….Telephone ringing! So much for my peace:)

Magical Christmas morning

It was 4:40am and I sat at the dining room table. My coffee was freshly made, still steaming. On my right hand side the window was open, allowing entry to a balmy morning breeze. The sky was overcast and just slightly illuminated. Birds chirped eagerly and there was the faint sonance of cars on the highway. The lustrous moon stared straight at me, in all its glory. It was fully developed and in casting its radiance, illuminated the clouds surrounding it. Occasionally a thicker mass of cloud lingered over it, but quickly carried on its way. My unobstructed view and solitude at that particular time allowed me to experience that awe-inspiring moment, the moon as my companion. What a beautiful Christmas morning…

We are all the same…

I have just been reading some random blogs that I came across. I am not usually an emotional person, but for some unexplainable reason (could be to do with the music that Im listening to) I was reduced to tears. Its the beauty that I found in a post written by a woman who is preparing for Christmas. The happiness and excitement that she is feeling and the anticipation of being with her family on that day. Deep down we are all the same, irrespective of what we look like or which part of the world we originate from. Its touching to see that there are still people out there who knows the importance and value of family.

Another post of hers was with regards to renovations that they are doing to a bathroom in their house.The renovations were supposed to be done for her mother, all according to what she liked. Unfortunately she passed away before it was completed and her family lost interest to do it, since she wouldnt be there to appreciate it. Eventually, it got done, but one questions whats the use of it since she is no longer in the world to see it?

Makes me think of my aunt who has passed away three years ago. I find it hard to believe that she has left this world. And as I write this, I miss her so much! Life has changed drastically for her family. My uncle is now married for the second time since her death. I pray that this time, his wife brings immense happiness to their home and make them feel like a family once again. Its disheartening when I think of my cousins. There are times when I feel as if they have no one in this world…as much as I try, circumstances make it difficult for us to be with them. My prayers are always with them…I end this post on a melancholy note and will now try to get some sleep.

To marry or not to marry?

The subject of marriage keeps on coming up, no matter how hard I try to avoid it. And although this time its not directly related to me, the connection is nonetheless very great. Its only human nature that I too want to be loved by that special person, have a companion in my life, someone who has a place that no other has. There are times in my life when I feel that loneliness and feel the need for companionship, but the reality of life is far different from the fairytale of ‘love’.

We live in a world where love is portrayed as being ‘perfect’. Movies and books make it seem this way. When we picture marriage we picture it as being smooth sailing, no rough seas or bad weather. Reality is something completely different to it. Its only after the honeymoon and initial stages of marriage that we realise the responsibility that comes with it.

Wherever I look, whichever young married couples I interact with and talk to there is one commonality. And that is that I should not get married now, wait till I’m much older, and from others that I should not get married at all! I guess that their frustrations and the situations that they are presently in make them feel so strongly about advising other unmarried girls such as myself to avoid it as far as possible.

I obviously want to get married at some point in my life, but when I look at all these people and only receive negative feedback about marriage, then I wonder if its all worth it. Islam teaches us that marriage completes half of your faith. Perhaps its because of all the sacrifices that you make, the courage that you need to go into marriage and the commitment and effort that you have to make to keep your marriage strong, not to mention all the responsibilities that you have to carry out.

There is a minority of people whom I know that give me a positive outlook of marriage and who tell me that they are happy. There is no doubt that in every marriage there are minor problems, but these have to be settled in an amicable manner. I dont know how I will approach problems in my marriage, but I hope that I can tackle it maturely and work hard to keep my marriage happy and successful.

I have set my goals and plan to concentrate on my studies first. I will try my very best to excel in my studies and complete my degree first.  After that I will decide about getting married. My Creator is the best of planners and if I happen to deviate from my plans and get married before the time that I planned, then I will accept it. The thought of marriage does scare me considerably, but I hope that when I reach that point in my life, things work out for me. A positive attitude will have to be created and I should prepare myself mentally for the responsibility that comes with it. If my expectations are high, then I will be disappointed (like with other aspects in life). When it happens I hope that I will find the good,happy and positive parts to it.

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